What is the most important ability a Children's Ministry leader can have? Speaking skills? Charisma? Great vision casting? Incredible organizational skills? Creativity? These are all good things..but I believe the most important ability you can have is the ability to raise up leaders.
A successful Children's Ministry is not a group of spectators watching an all-star perform. It's a team of empowered leaders working together to make an impact that is bigger than anything someone could do alone.
Here are some self-evaluation questions to ask:
Am I doing all the teaching or am I equipping others to teach?
Is it okay if other people get the credit for wins?
If I sit quietly in the background, will everything run smoothly?
Can I name three people that I am currently investing in?
When people think about the leadership of our Children's Ministry, do they think about a one-man show or do they think about a team of people?
How much time do I spend investing in others each week?
Am I the only one that people can come to for answers?
Who is leading something that I used to lead?
Do I enjoy putting the spotlight on others more than I enjoy being in it?
Do I focus more on what I can do or what I can empower others to do?
Is the reason the ministry is small enough to pull off by myself due to the fact that I am pulling it off by myself?
Remember...as a Children's Ministry Leader...it's not what you can do...it's what you can empower others to do.
Friday, May 4, 2012
7 Things Parents Need You To Know
1. Know their names.
It’s said that the most important word to any of us is our own name. Knowing the names of your parents sets the stage for deeper relationship, which opens doors you could not otherwise open.2. Know their kids’ names.
See #1, and know that parents watch how others interact with their children…and make judgments accordingly.3. Know more about them than their check-in number.
Beyond their name, get to know the family behind the name. What happens outside the walls of your church greatly impacts what happens inside the walls.4. Know how to equip them with easy ways to invest in the spiritual life of their child.
According to George Barna, most parents want to take responsibility for the spiritual life of their children, but many don’t know how. Help them.5. Know how to challenge them to go deeper in taking responsibility for their child’s spiritual life.
Some parents may recognize their responsibility but are so caught up in life that it’s not a top priority – especially when the church so often accepts responsibility in their place. Truth is, we have no right and no ability to adequately assume the responsibility of a child’s spiritual formation.6. Know how to engage them in service.
Parents are busy, tired, distracted and pulled in every different direction. But we need them to serve and it’s so beneficial to serve. Asking them to fill an open role isn’t going to go too far unless you engage them in a vision for what that role is all about, how it benefits them & their family, and why it’s every bit as important (or more) than anything else they’re being asked to do.7. Know how to let them disengage from serving.
I was taught early in my ministry not to try & convince volunteers (often parents) to stay in a role when they ask to be released. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have a conversation & talk through the reasons why (which often exposed deficiencies in the way I was supporting them – things I could fix which resulted in them staying), but it does mean that, once they’d shared their reasons, I trusted them and what God was doing in them to make the best decision. Don’t be desperate with parents serving – sometimes there are more important things happening in their life and it’s best for them NOT to be serving right now.There are so many more – what would you add?
Over the top preschool worship time
Over-the-Top Preschool Worship Time
Worship with preschoolers can be the highlight of your week.
A perfect example of this is a boy and his dad. Have you ever seen a preschooler and his father with the identical stance? It’s not just genetics; it’s imitation born out of observation, love, and respect. It’s relationship.
I can’t think of a better place for children and families to build relationships and internalize life-changing stories than at church. A moral value is reinforced each time a child experiences a volunteer’s loving kindness or sees a child encouraged because he shared. And the Bible is the best source of stories about God’s values!
“Moral values” seem to be the current catch phrase, but in our effort to teach values, we need to MAKE THE MAIN THING THE MAIN THING! GOD is the source of our values, and a relationship with Him is our goal; not the details of the story, the character in the story, or even the moral value itself. We all have the same goal, so let’s make it “over the top” for our kids!
I’ve observed lots of churches in action, and we all tend to do the same things. Planned worship time usually includes the same elements for each of us. But while many churches plan well, others actually go “over the top”. What is the difference between the “planning well” church and the “over the top” church?
KEY 1: Make it MEANINGFUL.
The content of our material becomes MEANINGFUL to youngsters when the focus is on God, His character, and His work. We love others not because someone stood with a wagging finger telling us to “be good, love others, and be kind.” We love God and others “because He first loved us.” (I John 4:19) A preschooler isn’t sophisticated enough to ask “What would Jesus do?” He will begin to resemble Jesus because of his blossoming understanding of God and his observation of leaders who are Christ like.Build Relationships
A worship leader who greets children and parents in the hall as they enter the department has an edge when they sit down with them for worship time. Your loving spirit and delight to be in their presence will engage kids and keep them tuned in. Strange as it may seem, if you know what’s fun and funny to kids, they’ll want a relationship with you. Why? Because “you know me, you like me, and you care enough to engage me on my terms.”
Relationships are forged on the floor. It’s true. Small group leaders who sit on the same level with kids provide loving care, a shoulder to lean on, quiet direction, and a model for involvement during large group time.
Key 2: Make it MEMORABLE.
Give them something to talk about on the way home! Adapt to the way preschoolers learn. Leaders who succeed at this provide Bible stories, prayer time, music, activities, and loving attention that children remember.Because they have short attention spans, you must break your Bible lesson into short bites interrupted by action, music, and “The Point” review. It doesn’t mean they need a three-minute Bible story. Repeat the main point and Bible verse throughout the lesson so it’s clear and unforgettable. Whenever the main point fits into the story, say it while the kids mime the motions, then continue the lesson without a break. Example: Lesson is Noah. The Point: you can say, “God keeps His promises” while you and the children make a rainbow motion over your heads. Now reemphasize The Point with each animal that enters the ark. You do have stuffed animals of every kind in the world, don’t you?
1. Anticipation and Expectation: Keep three, four, and five year olds tuned in and focused. Let them sit at their special spot on the rainbow carpet or carpet square, all while waiting for the theme song to begin. It can be a joy when they’re expecting great things! That theme song should remain the same all year. The song alone draws them in and gives a sense of belonging and anticipation. Think about it; if you tuned in to your favorite TV program and the opening song changed each week, you wouldn’t settle in to watch immediately. You’d check the channel or the program title.
The order of service should also remain the same. Avoid the urge to mix things up. Kids want to know what to expect. Routine, anticipation, and an engaging leader provide the incentive for the kids to be seated, involved, and attentive without lots of direction. Parents tell me, “It’s like ‘magic’! Will it work at home?”
2. Key phrases, cues, and motions are a hit with preschoolers and keep them moving. Kids learn what to do when they hear, “Sit down, sit down, everybody sit down. Sit down, sit down, sit with me.” Or their attention is grabbed and kept with the words, “I wonder who is coming to visit us today. Will the visitor come to the door in the barn, or will he come through the hall door?”
Briefly interview the person who walks through the door, sing a related song with motions, and say, “That reminds me of something in the - Bible.” When you say this phrase consistently each week, the kids will shout out “BIBLE” without prompting. They know what comes next, and they’re prepared to listen. Next, you can hold up your Bible, splash a picture of the Bible on the screen, or hold up a Bible poster. “The Bible isn’t everything God knows. It’s everything He wants us to know from His written Word.” Point to the passage in your Bible with a huge arm movement, and start the lesson with no dead air.
3. Surprise the senses. It will make the lesson memorable, and every preschooler will chatter about it on the ride home. Have a guest fireman or a dog puppet dressed up like a doctor to remind kids how God cares for us. Pipe in calls and cries of animals as you describe them loping, hopping, and charging into the ark. Have fans running and equip leaders with spray bottles to mist the children as you describe the rain falling and the waters rising from the deep. Adults may not understand the wonder of it, but kids LOVE it! Try waving forest scented deodorizers to indicate the land was finally dry.
4. “To be or not to be” the storyteller. There are some amazing ways to tell a story! I love to become the character and tell the story from the Bible character’s point of view. Preschoolers love to see live action, so tell the story while actors mime the action. Your actors can speak their own lines if the dialogue is simple and the meaning is clear.
5. Multi-media is essential. Vary your media and get tech savvy. Use power point, props, costumes, puppets, DVD’s, CD’s, iPods, cameras, lights, and people. I visited one church recently that used every sight and sound media known to man in one lesson. The stimulation overload scrambled my brain and wiped the message out of my head. Used wisely, however, technology can help engage the learners and reinforce the message. A great example is the use of amplification for puppets. The point of the skit may be lost if the puppets aren’t heard.
Some examples:
• Kids love to see familiar faces on the screen. Develop a power point presentation using the faces of your kids or project a skit filmed with parents, teachers, and siblings.
• Singing into a microphone will bring out the “ham” in every child. Record the children singing with individual voices highlighted. The next time you sing the song, play the recording and the kids will tune in like never before. Compile a series of these songs with kids’ voices, and send them home with them. (Remember to consider copyright laws. Don’t use background music from a CD.)
• We all know music “repeats and repeats in your head,” so it provides the perfect vehicle to make the message stick. Preschoolers love music almost as much as stories, but there are a few guidelines to remember. Over the top music means “I can sing it, I like it, it’s fun, and I can move.” Think outside the adult box. Vary the volume, tempo and feel of the music. Introduce a calypso or country theme. Get the interactive instruments and streamers out of the mothballs and get jammin’. Preschoolers lift joyful, loving worship to God each time they clap, twirl, and hop to a praise song.
• Music is the perfect way to introduce each segment of large group time. Slow and contemplative music will cue children to sit quietly and prepare for prayer time. The most effective leaders use rote prayers sparingly. They use poetry to quiet the heart but speak to God as a loving and present Father who cares and listens. It seems the act of prayer demonstrates most effectively our relationship to God. The “Jesus You Are Here with Me” song on the Touch the Sky CD (Willow Creek) is a wonderful song to prepare kids for prayer.
6. Prayer is an effective way to make the day’s message personal. Be a leader like Jesus. Demonstrate how to pray. Later, the children can participate with echo prayers, prayer songs, and personal prayers in small groups.
7. Sparkle up offering and outreach. One children’s pastor visits during the preschool large group for offering time. While the background music plays and the offering is taken, he walks around to each child, looks them in the eye, and asks about something in their life. It’s meaningful, personal and very moving.
We all know kids bring their money because they’re “supposed to,” but they wonder why. They’re curious about where the money goes. Give them concrete examples of the process. Bring in a “money counter man” that carries zip lock bags. Show how the offering is used by displaying a huge stack of books, crayons, pencils, toys, and Bibles bought with it. You can also post pictures of the missionaries you support.
Outreach events also help each child think outside his own box. An overseas offering project helps kids think globally. Every Sunday, show a power point presentation of chickens and goats. I collect these pictures online. Tell the children their offering will buy animals for children who need help feeding their families. The children will be amazed and excited to hear the number of chickens and goats their offerings provide.
Another suggestion is to help a local charity by displaying a Christmas tree where children can hang hats, mittens, and scarves. The kids see the progress of this giving and know they’re helping kids in their own community. On a cold day in January, remind them about the children who are warm today because they were kind and generous with their giving.
Briefly interview the person who walks through the door, sing a related song with motions, and say, “That reminds me of something in the - Bible.” When you say this phrase consistently each week, the kids will shout out “BIBLE” without prompting. They know what comes next, and they’re prepared to listen. Next, you can hold up your Bible, splash a picture of the Bible on the screen, or hold up a Bible poster. “The Bible isn’t everything God knows. It’s everything He wants us to know from His written Word.” Point to the passage in your Bible with a huge arm movement, and start the lesson with no dead air.
3. Surprise the senses. It will make the lesson memorable, and every preschooler will chatter about it on the ride home. Have a guest fireman or a dog puppet dressed up like a doctor to remind kids how God cares for us. Pipe in calls and cries of animals as you describe them loping, hopping, and charging into the ark. Have fans running and equip leaders with spray bottles to mist the children as you describe the rain falling and the waters rising from the deep. Adults may not understand the wonder of it, but kids LOVE it! Try waving forest scented deodorizers to indicate the land was finally dry.
4. “To be or not to be” the storyteller. There are some amazing ways to tell a story! I love to become the character and tell the story from the Bible character’s point of view. Preschoolers love to see live action, so tell the story while actors mime the action. Your actors can speak their own lines if the dialogue is simple and the meaning is clear.
5. Multi-media is essential. Vary your media and get tech savvy. Use power point, props, costumes, puppets, DVD’s, CD’s, iPods, cameras, lights, and people. I visited one church recently that used every sight and sound media known to man in one lesson. The stimulation overload scrambled my brain and wiped the message out of my head. Used wisely, however, technology can help engage the learners and reinforce the message. A great example is the use of amplification for puppets. The point of the skit may be lost if the puppets aren’t heard.
Some examples:
• Kids love to see familiar faces on the screen. Develop a power point presentation using the faces of your kids or project a skit filmed with parents, teachers, and siblings.
• Singing into a microphone will bring out the “ham” in every child. Record the children singing with individual voices highlighted. The next time you sing the song, play the recording and the kids will tune in like never before. Compile a series of these songs with kids’ voices, and send them home with them. (Remember to consider copyright laws. Don’t use background music from a CD.)
• We all know music “repeats and repeats in your head,” so it provides the perfect vehicle to make the message stick. Preschoolers love music almost as much as stories, but there are a few guidelines to remember. Over the top music means “I can sing it, I like it, it’s fun, and I can move.” Think outside the adult box. Vary the volume, tempo and feel of the music. Introduce a calypso or country theme. Get the interactive instruments and streamers out of the mothballs and get jammin’. Preschoolers lift joyful, loving worship to God each time they clap, twirl, and hop to a praise song.
• Music is the perfect way to introduce each segment of large group time. Slow and contemplative music will cue children to sit quietly and prepare for prayer time. The most effective leaders use rote prayers sparingly. They use poetry to quiet the heart but speak to God as a loving and present Father who cares and listens. It seems the act of prayer demonstrates most effectively our relationship to God. The “Jesus You Are Here with Me” song on the Touch the Sky CD (Willow Creek) is a wonderful song to prepare kids for prayer.
6. Prayer is an effective way to make the day’s message personal. Be a leader like Jesus. Demonstrate how to pray. Later, the children can participate with echo prayers, prayer songs, and personal prayers in small groups.
7. Sparkle up offering and outreach. One children’s pastor visits during the preschool large group for offering time. While the background music plays and the offering is taken, he walks around to each child, looks them in the eye, and asks about something in their life. It’s meaningful, personal and very moving.
We all know kids bring their money because they’re “supposed to,” but they wonder why. They’re curious about where the money goes. Give them concrete examples of the process. Bring in a “money counter man” that carries zip lock bags. Show how the offering is used by displaying a huge stack of books, crayons, pencils, toys, and Bibles bought with it. You can also post pictures of the missionaries you support.
Outreach events also help each child think outside his own box. An overseas offering project helps kids think globally. Every Sunday, show a power point presentation of chickens and goats. I collect these pictures online. Tell the children their offering will buy animals for children who need help feeding their families. The children will be amazed and excited to hear the number of chickens and goats their offerings provide.
Another suggestion is to help a local charity by displaying a Christmas tree where children can hang hats, mittens, and scarves. The kids see the progress of this giving and know they’re helping kids in their own community. On a cold day in January, remind them about the children who are warm today because they were kind and generous with their giving.
Key 3: Make It Life Changing.
We want children to do more than copy Bible words. We want them to know God made them, God loves them, and Jesus wants to be their forever friend. The result of internalizing and understanding these truths is immeasurable. Preschoolers may not be able to verbalize their understanding, but they will respond in ever increasing love, trust, and joyful obedience to Jesus.
Lives change as a result of a relationship with God. Therefore we must make the main thing the main thing. God wants an intimate relationship with ME? Yes, YOU! It’s a wonderful concept, but kids need more than words. Three, four, and five year olds need people to demonstrate the concepts and relevant stories to make the ideas “kid size.”
I observed an amazing presentation of the Christmas story in the preschool department of one church. At the conclusion of the lesson, the leader said, “Now I want you to remember, ‘Wise men still seek Him.’” I wanted to shout, “What’s wrong with this picture?” Just a few additional sentences could make this conclusion personal and wrap up what was an amazing presentation. Make it personal by saying…“When I point to you kids, I want you to say your name out loud just one time. Then I’ll keep talking. Remember, say it just one time. ‘God loves ________ so much He sent His one and only Son.’”
A “kid like me” is one of the best teaching tools. Applaud good behavior in the classroom and include application stories and skits about kids who demonstrate the point of your Bible lesson. Sometimes when nothing else penetrates, the good and bad choices of a puppet drive home the point like nothing else.
Children will understand God loves them when they experience the consistent, ongoing care of adults and teens. Consistent personnel cannot be overstated. When I was a child, Mrs. Kapell was my favorite large group leader. She never failed me. She was there every week. She greeted me every time I saw her, even when I aged out of her department. This faithful servant of God used every tool available to help us understand God’s unconditional love. She inspired me to seek Jesus, to live for Him, and to serve Him. I am a Christ follower because of her words and her life.
Preschoolers WILL follow. They WILL learn. They WILL change.
Give every lesson a little extra thought, lots of prayer, and take it “over the top,” because preschoolers have incredible potential to learn.
AND never underestimate the power of God to take it “over the top” through you and your volunteers.
Lives change as a result of a relationship with God. Therefore we must make the main thing the main thing. God wants an intimate relationship with ME? Yes, YOU! It’s a wonderful concept, but kids need more than words. Three, four, and five year olds need people to demonstrate the concepts and relevant stories to make the ideas “kid size.”
I observed an amazing presentation of the Christmas story in the preschool department of one church. At the conclusion of the lesson, the leader said, “Now I want you to remember, ‘Wise men still seek Him.’” I wanted to shout, “What’s wrong with this picture?” Just a few additional sentences could make this conclusion personal and wrap up what was an amazing presentation. Make it personal by saying…“When I point to you kids, I want you to say your name out loud just one time. Then I’ll keep talking. Remember, say it just one time. ‘God loves ________ so much He sent His one and only Son.’”
A “kid like me” is one of the best teaching tools. Applaud good behavior in the classroom and include application stories and skits about kids who demonstrate the point of your Bible lesson. Sometimes when nothing else penetrates, the good and bad choices of a puppet drive home the point like nothing else.
Children will understand God loves them when they experience the consistent, ongoing care of adults and teens. Consistent personnel cannot be overstated. When I was a child, Mrs. Kapell was my favorite large group leader. She never failed me. She was there every week. She greeted me every time I saw her, even when I aged out of her department. This faithful servant of God used every tool available to help us understand God’s unconditional love. She inspired me to seek Jesus, to live for Him, and to serve Him. I am a Christ follower because of her words and her life.
Preschoolers WILL follow. They WILL learn. They WILL change.
Give every lesson a little extra thought, lots of prayer, and take it “over the top,” because preschoolers have incredible potential to learn.
AND never underestimate the power of God to take it “over the top” through you and your volunteers.
Making your Children's Ministry Stand Out
The reality is most places do not have outstanding customer service. It's obvious that most are just going through the motions and don't really care about you. At least half or more barely acknowledge your existence...much less smile and make eye contact. And God forbid you should ask for anything that might inconvenience them. The second mile is very rarely walked.
The good news is this. This makes organizations that deliver great customer service stand out even more. And when people experience this, it makes a huge impression and they come back.
The good news is this. This makes organizations that deliver great customer service stand out even more. And when people experience this, it makes a huge impression and they come back.
If you want your Children's Ministry to stand out, then your customer service must stand out.
Here are some things you can do to make it happen...Remember organizations don't deliver great customer service....people deliver great customer service.
Get the right people in the right places. Don't place Debbie Downer serving in your check-in and welcome areas. Teach your volunteers how to interact with people...what to and what not to say...to look people in the eye...to show genuine interest in people.Always walk....never point.
Average organizations just point or tell you where to go. Great organizations show you where to go by taking you there.Smile.
Think about how many employees smile at you when you check-out, ask a question, or pass them in the store. Very few. Teach your team to smile. A simple smile sets you apart.Call people by name.
Train your team to use people's name when they interact with them. It's a simple step that will quickly move the interaction from impersonal to personal. People love to hear their name.Never just say "no."
If you ask for something extra or out of the ordinary, most places will simply say "no" with no offer to help you find a solution. Especially if it means going the second mile. Be different. Run to the second mile not away from the second mile.Replace the "you are bothering me" attitude with an "it's a privilege to serve you" attitude.
The "you are bothering me" attitude that you encounter at many places leaves you feeling devalued and even angry at times, doesn't it. But when you can tell someone is generally interested in helping you, it makes you feel valued and cared for. Attitude is everything when it comes to costumer service.8 Discipline Tools You Already Have
Darryl, for the third time this morning, gets up from his chair, and wanders over to the box of toys near the wall in the classroom. Keeping one eye on the Sunday school teacher, he defies her to stop him again! He knows he is supposed to be listening to what she’s saying like all the other kids, and part of him even wants to participate. It looks like fun! But he chooses to test her once again. After all, last time she gave him a piece of candy to keep him in his seat. What will it be this time?
Carol stands in the hallway outside her Sunday school class. As she fidgets against the wall, the Children’s Pastor walks up and asks her why she’s out there. As she searches for an answer, the Children’s Pastor is distracted by another teacher and walks away. The truth is she doesn’t really know why she’s out there. She’s only been here twice, and doesn’t quite know what she did wrong. She does know she won’t be coming back!
Jim is exasperated. As he sits alone in his classroom, having just dismissed all the kids, he decides he’s done. He must not be able to handle this kind of teaching ministry. Oh, he loves kids, but he can’t seem to keep control of the class while he’s teaching. Actually, it’s just a couple of kids, but week after week, they seem to overrun what he’s planned, and he just can’t take it anymore. He gets up, makes his way to the Director of Children’s Ministry office, and quits. Discouraged, he walks away and decides it’s time for a break from all ministry for a while. Maybe sometime down the road, he’ll think about getting involved in some other ministry.
Can you relate to any of these scenarios? None of them are what any of us want in our ministry, but in children’s ministry, “discipline” is an issue that each of us must deal with. It can be one of the most challenging– and frustrating. Not only for leaders, but for kids, too! In order to effectively minister, we must understand the issue of discipline, and be able to use it effectively.
Ephesians 6:4 says, “And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.” Paul tells us that fathers are to be careful how their kids are brought up. Specifically, fathers are not to frustrate or anger their kids by the way they are disciplined and instructed. Rather, use techniques and ways that are “approved by the Lord.” In other words, discipline and instruct in ways that are appropriate, that are effective, and that honor God. While this verse is specifically spoken to fathers, the principle of effective discipline and instruction can be applied further, including to children’s ministry.
How do we discipline in children’s ministry? We can try bribes or embarrassing children or “blowing our stack,” and we might get immediate results that we are looking for. But is that discipline? Is that appropriate and truly accomplishing what discipline should be – disciple making? No. In the end, it is not instructing effectively; it is manipulating, punishing, or simply getting our way.
True discipline is, in reality, a continuation of our efforts to instruct. The difference, in most cases, is that the opportunity is generated by a child’s misbehavior instead of a planned teaching situation. Regardless of when it occurs, however, most of us find it a challenge to do, or at least to do effectively! But we all possess tools available to us to allow us to instruct in situations where discipline is necessary. These are tools that require no props, no equipment, and no preparation (except a little practice!) – they are tools we already have! With these tools, we use discipline as an opportunity to I.N.S.T.R.U.C.T!
Natural consequences might include not being able to answer a question because some kids haven’t been paying attention. It might mean missing a favorite activity because they chose to misbehave instead of following the guidelines. Or it might be simply being separated from their best friend when they can’t seem to pay attention to what’s going on in the class.
Silence can also be effective in dealing with other situations. Last Wednesday, when I saw a kid trying to hide a handful of candy, I walked over, and asked him what he had in his hand, and patiently waited. He looked at me and said, “Nothing,” to which I simply smiled and kept silent. As he thought about what was going on and realized I wasn’t going to accept that answer, he finally told me that he had “borrowed” the candy from a room that he wasn’t supposed to be in. I asked if he believed that was his candy to take, and he answered, “I don’t know.” Again, silence. He did know, and I wanted to give him a chance to think about what he was telling me. After a minute or two, he simply held the candy out for me to take and said, “No and I’m sorry.” A quick high five and a reassuring “Jesus is smiling because you did the right thing,” and we were on our way. Silence can be used to instruct very well!
Physical touch can be used in a variety of ways (always being careful to be appropriate, of course). This might include a firm but gentle grip on the shoulder as you speak “wisdom” (ok, discipline) into a child’s life. Or you might use an open hand on the back to gently steer a child back to walking in the right direction as they try to veer off into the land of misbehavior! High fives, pats on the head, and side-hugs can all be used to build a relationship, which is the cornerstone of effective instruction.
• Pay attention – you might miss something important!
• Participate – we want you to be part of the group, and what you contribute is important to us.
• Put your hand up – we want to hear what you have to say – it’s important – but we can’t hear if everyone just speaks out of turn.
Of course, when we give guidelines, we must follow through on our part, like providing something worth paying attention to, giving them well-prepared activities worthy of their participation, and giving them a chance to speak when they put their hand up.
We must be praying for our kids. Prayer is practical! Prayer should be as much a part of our preparation and presentation as any other component. And prayer can dramatically affect our discipline (instructing) situations. Prayer also changes our hearts, increasing patience, compassion, and understanding in all of our teaching efforts.
As we seek to “discipline” the kids God has blessed us with, let us also seek to instruct them. These tools, which all of us possess and can refine with a little practice, can be a great starting point.
Some Reasons Why Kids Misbehave Include:
• Because they are kids! Proverbs 22:15 (NLT) says, “A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness…” Enough said!
• Because they have not received clear guidelines or boundaries – kids need guidelines, and even want them. Without them, insecurity creeps in, which often leads to misbehavior.
• Because they are bored – when we teach inappropriately (lecturing, not age-appropriate, inactively, etc.), kids get bored. Boredom leads to misbehavior as they try to find something to engage their mind.
• Because of outside issues – I put these issues in four categories:
• Hunger – some kids come to church hungry. They either didn’t eat enough, or they didn’t eat nutritional food before arriving.
• Health – parents will often drop off kids that should be home in bed!
• Home – some kids deal with so much at home that it inevitably comes out in their behavior.
• Helplessness – kids often just don’t know how to deal with things that happen, be it the death of a pet or being bullied at school. This helplessness can lead to misbehavior.
Carol stands in the hallway outside her Sunday school class. As she fidgets against the wall, the Children’s Pastor walks up and asks her why she’s out there. As she searches for an answer, the Children’s Pastor is distracted by another teacher and walks away. The truth is she doesn’t really know why she’s out there. She’s only been here twice, and doesn’t quite know what she did wrong. She does know she won’t be coming back!
Jim is exasperated. As he sits alone in his classroom, having just dismissed all the kids, he decides he’s done. He must not be able to handle this kind of teaching ministry. Oh, he loves kids, but he can’t seem to keep control of the class while he’s teaching. Actually, it’s just a couple of kids, but week after week, they seem to overrun what he’s planned, and he just can’t take it anymore. He gets up, makes his way to the Director of Children’s Ministry office, and quits. Discouraged, he walks away and decides it’s time for a break from all ministry for a while. Maybe sometime down the road, he’ll think about getting involved in some other ministry.
Can you relate to any of these scenarios? None of them are what any of us want in our ministry, but in children’s ministry, “discipline” is an issue that each of us must deal with. It can be one of the most challenging– and frustrating. Not only for leaders, but for kids, too! In order to effectively minister, we must understand the issue of discipline, and be able to use it effectively.
Ephesians 6:4 says, “And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.” Paul tells us that fathers are to be careful how their kids are brought up. Specifically, fathers are not to frustrate or anger their kids by the way they are disciplined and instructed. Rather, use techniques and ways that are “approved by the Lord.” In other words, discipline and instruct in ways that are appropriate, that are effective, and that honor God. While this verse is specifically spoken to fathers, the principle of effective discipline and instruction can be applied further, including to children’s ministry.
How do we discipline in children’s ministry? We can try bribes or embarrassing children or “blowing our stack,” and we might get immediate results that we are looking for. But is that discipline? Is that appropriate and truly accomplishing what discipline should be – disciple making? No. In the end, it is not instructing effectively; it is manipulating, punishing, or simply getting our way.
True discipline is, in reality, a continuation of our efforts to instruct. The difference, in most cases, is that the opportunity is generated by a child’s misbehavior instead of a planned teaching situation. Regardless of when it occurs, however, most of us find it a challenge to do, or at least to do effectively! But we all possess tools available to us to allow us to instruct in situations where discipline is necessary. These are tools that require no props, no equipment, and no preparation (except a little practice!) – they are tools we already have! With these tools, we use discipline as an opportunity to I.N.S.T.R.U.C.T!
Infectious enthusiasm
Enthusiasm, as a discipline tool? You bet! As the leader of the class, we set the tone. How do you think kids respond when we are not excited about what we are teaching? Of course, they will not be excited either. Why should they be? But if we have enthusiasm and let it show, we can fully expect it to be contagious. This can be a deterrent to misbehavior right from the start, but it can also curtail it if it creeps in. Take for example, little Johnny is getting a little restless in class and starting to misbehave. As the teacher begins to notice this, a change of activity with an extra dose of enthusiasm can go a long way toward redirecting and reigniting little Johnny’s interest in what’s happening. “Discipline” takes place without any kind of confrontation and leads to instruction.Natural consequences
Natural consequences can bring kids into step really fast. You’ve let everyone know that the class can have extra game time only when the lesson is complete, but Mary doesn’t seem to be keeping this in mind. A quick reminder to the class in general will usually lead to other kids “reminding” Mary (natural consequences) of what she might be costing the class.Natural consequences might include not being able to answer a question because some kids haven’t been paying attention. It might mean missing a favorite activity because they chose to misbehave instead of following the guidelines. Or it might be simply being separated from their best friend when they can’t seem to pay attention to what’s going on in the class.
Silence
As the presentation rolls on, you lean over to make a comment to your friend next to you. The noise of what’s happening is loud enough that you speak in a normal speaking voice. But, just as you begin to speak, the noise stops, and you’re caught making your comment to everyone! You’ve had it happen before, haven’t you? And how did you feel? Slightly embarrassed? A little silly? Silence seems to highlight activity that really isn’t appropriate for the time, doesn’t it? Now embarrassing a child or making them feel silly isn’t our goal, but simply being silent can go a long way toward bringing kids back into line. Sometimes, when I teach our kids’ church (which I try to do with a lot of enthusiasm!), I’ll simply stop talking. Kids realize something isn’t right, and they pay special attention – even the ones who haven’t been paying attention. When they all focus on what they should be focused on, I simply begin “instructing” again.Silence can also be effective in dealing with other situations. Last Wednesday, when I saw a kid trying to hide a handful of candy, I walked over, and asked him what he had in his hand, and patiently waited. He looked at me and said, “Nothing,” to which I simply smiled and kept silent. As he thought about what was going on and realized I wasn’t going to accept that answer, he finally told me that he had “borrowed” the candy from a room that he wasn’t supposed to be in. I asked if he believed that was his candy to take, and he answered, “I don’t know.” Again, silence. He did know, and I wanted to give him a chance to think about what he was telling me. After a minute or two, he simply held the candy out for me to take and said, “No and I’m sorry.” A quick high five and a reassuring “Jesus is smiling because you did the right thing,” and we were on our way. Silence can be used to instruct very well!
Touch
As I led the music time for kids' church, a friend of my 8 year-old son, Taylor, was trying hard to distract him. Poking him in the side, blowing on his face, and telling little boy jokes were having no effect (I was really proud of my son!), but I knew it was probably only a matter of time until Taylor responded. So, still playing, and singing, I meandered over to where the boys sat. As everyone continued to sing (including me!), I simply reached out and gently squeezed my son’s friend on the shoulder. He hadn’t seen me coming, and as he whipped his head around, I could tell I had made my point. Without embarrassing him, I had communicated the importance of what we were doing. He started paying attention, and within a few minutes, he had joined in the upbeat singing and all the motions that all the other kids were involved with.Physical touch can be used in a variety of ways (always being careful to be appropriate, of course). This might include a firm but gentle grip on the shoulder as you speak “wisdom” (ok, discipline) into a child’s life. Or you might use an open hand on the back to gently steer a child back to walking in the right direction as they try to veer off into the land of misbehavior! High fives, pats on the head, and side-hugs can all be used to build a relationship, which is the cornerstone of effective instruction.
Reasonable expectations
Our expectations of a child’s behavior must be reasonable. Kids are kids and are not capable of behaving in an “adult” manner. As we instruct, we must keep this in mind. A good general rule of thumb is that kids have about one minute of attention span for every year of their age. When that time is up, it’s time to move on to a new activity. Active learning and reasonable expectations of behavior are important parts of the process. At a church I served at, one of my preschool teachers came to the department coordinator after the service and said she was frustrated with the boys in her class. She mentioned that these 4 and 5 year-olds were just so rowdy and energetic, and she had a hard time controlling them. When the coordinator observed her class the following week, she discovered a youth volunteer who initiated “wrestling time” with the kids. The expectation of the kids was that it was a time for wrestling which, unfortunately, extended into all other times of the class. My coordinator suggested that, instead of wrestling, the youth volunteer could be more helpful by sitting and doing other activities with the kids, like using play dough to create a scene from the story that was to be told. When this was done, the boys in the class immediately calmed down, and the entire class time was transformed!Understanding
Closely connected with reasonable expectations is a clear understanding of why kids might misbehave. There are lots of reasons, but understanding some of the more common ones and addressing them helps us meet the needs that a child might be expressing through their misbehavior. When we address these needs, discipline usually is taken care of, and environment conducive to instruction is restored.Clear guidelines or boundaries
Though kids are notorious for pushing the limits of our boundaries, they are usually just doing one of two things: first, they are trying to figure out where the boundaries are, and second, they are seeing just how serious we are about them. Providing clear guidelines for your class is important. If kids don’t know what they can or cannot do, how can we reasonably expect them to obey? Each week in one of our programs, we review the guidelines, trying to put a fun spin or two on them. But, simply put, the guidelines we give are:• Pay attention – you might miss something important!
• Participate – we want you to be part of the group, and what you contribute is important to us.
• Put your hand up – we want to hear what you have to say – it’s important – but we can’t hear if everyone just speaks out of turn.
Of course, when we give guidelines, we must follow through on our part, like providing something worth paying attention to, giving them well-prepared activities worthy of their participation, and giving them a chance to speak when they put their hand up.
Turn it over
The single greatest tool that we have that leads to instruction is the ability to turn it over to our Father in heaven! I saw this dramatically illustrated early in my ministry with a boy named Adrian. Adrian was “nothing but trouble” when it came to his behavior. Of course, when I discovered what his home life was like, I understood, but that didn’t help in the classroom. Nothing seemed to work! No matter what, our teachers dreaded seeing Adrian dropped off on Sunday morning. After trying everything we thought we knew how to do, we decided to simply pray. The teachers and I made a covenant to pray for Adrian every day, and to ask God not only to do a work in his life, but to do a work in ours. So we prayed, and after only two weeks, we began seeing a difference in Adrian’s life – something was happening! On the third Sunday, as I was cleaning up after church, Adrian quietly came in behind me, and, in almost a whisper, said, “Pastor Greg, I want to say I’m sorry.” Once I picked myself up off the floor and composed myself, I asked him what he wanted to apologize for. Again, in a very quiet voice, he said, “For all the things I’ve done to hurt Jesus and for all the things I’ve done to hurt others.” As I bit my lip to hold back the tears, I had the wonderful privilege of sharing the gospel, and leading Adrian to Christ that day, and seeing a life transformed. Over the next few months, as part of our church family, Adrian became a leader in the Sunday school because of his behavior.We must be praying for our kids. Prayer is practical! Prayer should be as much a part of our preparation and presentation as any other component. And prayer can dramatically affect our discipline (instructing) situations. Prayer also changes our hearts, increasing patience, compassion, and understanding in all of our teaching efforts.
As we seek to “discipline” the kids God has blessed us with, let us also seek to instruct them. These tools, which all of us possess and can refine with a little practice, can be a great starting point.
Some Reasons Why Kids Misbehave Include:
• Because they are kids! Proverbs 22:15 (NLT) says, “A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness…” Enough said!
• Because they have not received clear guidelines or boundaries – kids need guidelines, and even want them. Without them, insecurity creeps in, which often leads to misbehavior.
• Because they are bored – when we teach inappropriately (lecturing, not age-appropriate, inactively, etc.), kids get bored. Boredom leads to misbehavior as they try to find something to engage their mind.
• Because of outside issues – I put these issues in four categories:
• Hunger – some kids come to church hungry. They either didn’t eat enough, or they didn’t eat nutritional food before arriving.
• Health – parents will often drop off kids that should be home in bed!
• Home – some kids deal with so much at home that it inevitably comes out in their behavior.
• Helplessness – kids often just don’t know how to deal with things that happen, be it the death of a pet or being bullied at school. This helplessness can lead to misbehavior.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Venus or Mars? A VIDEO quiz about teaching styles!
Check out this video about an article on teaching styles for boys and girls and how to reach the genders effectively!
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